what if?

so i've decided to update just a tad early because my regular once a month isn't going to cut it for june. as much as i would have loved to post on june 6th, which is 3 MONTHS DOWN, i will be touring the country. i'm headed to every church sight from Utah to NYC on Heritage Tours! i am so excited. it's basically a 3 week mission prep :) i know it's going to strengthen my testimony and increase my knowledge of the gospel in ways i never could have without experiencing it first hand; going to the actual place where Joseph Smith stood... where God the Father and Jesus Christ appeared to him... ohhh i'm so EXCITED!!!

in other good news, this thursday is my high school graduation! CLASS OF 2013 BABY!!! i seriously can't believe it. it's surreal because school is all i've ever known, and the people around have always been there. now everyone is going their separate ways to college and honestly, it's scaring me a bit. i'm not worried about losing my friends or anything like that.... just with the fact that it's time to grow up. i'm 18, but i still feel like i'm 12 years old at heart. not quite sure how much i like this growing up thing. i guess it's necessary though right, if i want my missionary to come home and see me as someone who is ready for marriage and as someone who is ready to experience the real world.

can i start off by saying that the first 3 months really ARE the hardest? there are a few specific reasons why they seem to be:

1. you haven't seen or talked face to face in 92 days...
2. letters get spacey. i haven't heard from him in 3 weeks :( and he doesn't like to email. i'm kind of worried that the letter i sent never actually made it to him.
3. you start having doubts which then turn to fear, just to have it turn around and go back to being perfect again. GAH! i hate when this happens. there are so many roller coaster emotions and it makes me CrAzY!

some days i know i've totally got this, and other days i feel like, "what if it really doesn't work out?" then i have to slap myself for ever thinking so. it's hard. waiting is hard. but in the end, i know it will be worth it... right? it has to be worth all of the tears, and hurt, and weeks without contact, and everything else. it will be worth everything just knowing that someday... he'll come home and hold me in his arms once again. just like one of my favorite quotes says:

"Being away from you is the most painful thing ever. But it's worth it because of the day that you will hold me in your arms, and never let go." 

someday, he'll never let me go. i can't wait for that day. when time loses all meaning, i mean. after you are sealed to each other, time literally means nothing. you have eternity! ETERNITY to be with each other, yet, i still feel like that will never be long enough for me.

i'm so grateful for elder cook's service. he is doing the Lords will and i love it so much. i love him so much! and i know he loves being out there more than anything in the world. i miss him terribly, but at least the days have been going... i've found that staying busy really does help, and trying not to count the days specifically (even though i totally have one of those temple missionary countdowns haha). in reality, the work our boys do is only 2% of their life. they've had eternity to prepare for it and they'll have eternity to reflect on it, but they only have two years to live it.

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i've had some really neat experiences with the spirit these past two weeks:) they've been small and simple things, but have made a huge impact on my testimony of the Holy Ghost. i've been very grateful for the experiences that help me see that Heavenly Father really does care. He watches over us and gives us the experiences we need to strengthen ourselves. i found this quote/prayer the other day and it instantly became my favorite!

it struck me so hard! Heavenly Father knows me exactly, which is why sometimes... i feel so afraid. what if i let Him down? what if i make a wrong decision? what if i try to figure things out on my own and pass by what Heavenly Father actually intended. i pray so hard for what this quote says. i need Him. i need the spirit to guide me and give me strength. i need the wisdom and direction from His hand in order to feel like i'm doing something right. i don't ever want to let Him down. i don't ever want to make a decision i'm not supposed to, even though i know i'm human and i will make mistakes.

in the end, i guess it's just knowing that you tried your best. God isn't going to be upset if you tried, right? i just need to remember that. it's so easy to think and compare your efforts to someone else's... and i have that problem. specifically with this whole mission announcement. everyone i know is going, and i feel like if i don't serve, i will be looked down upon. or that Heavenly Father would be disappointed in me. which brings me back to what i said before... i don't want to make a wrong decision. what if God is telling me to do one thing, but i don't see it? what if i'm choosing for myself and passing by what is supposed to happen? does anyone else feel like this sometimes? i'm so afraid that i will mess something up... timing.... my future... just by making one wrong decision. i guess that's what faith is though; trusting in God no matter what, even if you don't know the outcome. 

sorry i ranted for a bit.. it's something i've been needing to get off my chest for a while. i know i just need to move forward with faith and confidence in the future. Heavenly Father knows my heart and intentions and that's what i'm counting on... 

happy may:)

may 6th was 2 months down, people!! does it seem like time is flying, because i can't decide? part of me says yes and the other says heck NO! i've heard the first 3 months are the hardest and i believe it. waiting and waiting and waiting......waiting......andddd still waiting. good thing we know it will all be worth it in the end :) i mean, how can i know he will dedicate eternity to me if he didn't dedicate two years to our Lord? that's why i'm okay with him being gone, because... i know he is where he is meant to be, for now.

in other news, may 3rd was PROM!!!!!!!! hate to burst the excitement bubble, but i didn't get asked. yeah, senior year... didn't go.... oh well. my friend cassidy and i went and saw iron man 3 instead!! so awesome. if you haven't seen it, go. ohhh and no big deal or anything but my birthday was this past saturday! may 4th! i'm 18 :) i spent the day at Temple Square taking beautiful pictures of my future castle (pictures brought to you by myrandathurmanphotography) it was such a nice day and i enjoyed it very much. later that same day, i had a "party" with some of my best friends. they came over to my house, we ate some olive garden, and we watched leap year :) cutest movie ever! (even though the redhead chick bugs me a bit!) it had a perfect ending... just like i'm praying my story will <3

school is winding down, thankfully. i took my AP psychology test yesterday and it wasn't too bad. besides the first FRQ which i totally bombed on, but other than that ;) i think i did alright. graduation is in 23 DAYS and then i'm outta here for a month; i'm going on heritage tours. i can't wait for that. we're gonna go visit all the LDS church history sights! i think i'm most excited for Adam-Ondi-Ahman, where the Lord will go when He comes again. or maybe navoo. or new york. i don't know actually. wherever we go, i'm just ready to feel and experience an incredible spirit.

yesterday was p-day:) we all know what that means!! EMAILS!!!!!!! well, to be honest, i usually don't get any because Elder Cook prefers hand written letters, but i checked anyway and...... drum roll please...... there were TWO in there from him! umm yeah. you could imagine the look and smile on my face when i saw them. it was a birthday email:) you have to know why i was so happy though. you see, the previous thursday before my birthday, i'd been expecting a letter. i went to the mailbox though, and there was nothing there. i basically broke down that day because i thought, "of all the weeks to skip out on writing me, you chose my birthday week?" anyway, long story short, he did email yesterday and apologize for not being able to write. this email/letter was my favorite so far. he said, "I hope this brightens your day my sweet dearest most sincere friend. the love of my life, you're the apple to my pie, you're the straw to my berry, you're the one i wanna... marry.... Sister Thurman you're a wonderful choice (est) daughter of God. No one like you will ever walk the face of this earth. You are unique and one of a kind. You're truly a divine Daughter of God. He loves you and so do I." :) ahhhhhh!!!! i love him... and miss him so very much.

lastly, i just have to add - it is pouring rain as i write this part of the post, and it's taking me back in time :) back to the time when we danced outside in the pouring rain to our favorite songs. i was in his big yellow sweatshirt and he was in a t-shirt. we were drenched in 2 minutes, but didn't care... we danced like no one was watching. we sang like no one could hear. and we loved like nothing could tear us apart. i still remember the look on his face as he looked at me, sopping wet. he, not having a care in the world as to what my hair looked like, whether or not makeup was streaming down my face, or whether or not people were watching. he held me close, told me i was beautiful and made me feel like i was the most important person in the world.

i can't wait to dance our timeless waltz again when he comes home :)

thanks for reading and have a great week!!

PICTURES:

me and cassidy at iron man 3 :)

wait, what day is it?

i have decided that i'm basically the worst blogger ever - ALREADY! the posts are so spaced out, but that's okay:) i will get better, i promise!

life is absolutely crazy right now. it's winding down to the final few weeks of senior year and teachers are bombarding us with last minute assignments and tests!! ahhhhh :p my stress level has peaked and my face has the wonderful grodies to prove it! (every girl's dream, right? nasty zits after stressful situations... uhh not! so unfair, seriously) but other than that ;) life's been great!

my missionary has been gone for ONE MONTH and 12 DAYS! ummmm... where did that time go? it was probably the longest yet fastest, hardest yet happiest, most stressful yet peaceful month of my life. since the day i met him, he's never been out of my head. ever. so everyday... in every way, he's been here:) i miss him so much, but the moments apart only help me realize how precious time is together. this past Tuesday he left the MTC to enter into his reassigned mission; Colorado Springs! i was a little worried at first when i heard he'd been reassigned to the states, because he was SO excited to go to Brazil, but of course he said that as soon as he heard it was Colorado, the spirit testified to him that that was where he needed to be. since my Elder Cook has been gone, i've received 6 letters from him plus an envelope full of flowers:) cutest thing ever! his letters made my week 100000x better. his p-days were on friday in the MTC, so they usually would come on saturday, or the following monday depending on what time he'd write. he learned so much and had the opportunity to be a district leader and a zone leader while there too!

he is doing so well and absolutely loves being out there. i'm so grateful for his example to me! he continues to strive for righteousness at all times and in all things, and in all places.

here are a few pictures of him while he's been away:):

Elder Talbot (left) & Elder Cook (right)
two of my best friends found each other
at the MTC:)

Elder Cook (left) & his first companion
Elder Hall (right) at the doctor's office.
Elder Hall was getting physical therapy
on his shoulder!
















he looks so grown up already:') i can't wait to see what Heavenly Father helps him become. he's going to be one extraordinary man♥ i love him so much.
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life events from march 6 - april 18:
1. got all my letters:)
2. hung out with a lot of friends
3. hung out with joe's family (A LOT)
4. little sisters baptism
5. farewells galore!
6. march 26 was joe's birthday! i sent him a fun package:)
7. went to hawaii for spring break! April 1st-8th; it was absolutely beautiful. i wanna go back!
8. visited pearl harbor

9.  visited the dole plantation
10. visited the polynesian center
11. CONFERENCE! YES!
12. ONE MONTH DOWN!
13. swam with dolphins! no big deal;)

it's been crazy, but it's been fun. even with all this time passing, and all the events happening... i have this quote that i try to remember even when the days get hard:

Don't count the days, make the days count!

pff, i still count the days ;) only 687ish more to go! BUT.. the point is... time goes on and life goes on. you have to make the most with what you've got. don't let anything hold you back. besides, all good things come to those who wait♥

Called to Serve

my best friend left for his mission today!! he entered the Provo MTC at 12:30 pm :) my heart is so full of love yet completely torn because this means not being able to see him for two years. i feel like the only way i knew i could let him go was because this church... The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints... is TRUE!!!! there is no way to doubt it. i would not let my best friend, my whole world and life, LEAVE me for 2 years just to preach some doctrine. And he's not just preaching any doctrine, he's preaching THE doctrine; the true and full restored truth and my missionary is worthy enough to serve. i am SO PROUD of him! i've never been happier or more terrified in my life. people say time changes things, that love doesn't last - can't last - through a time like this, but i'm here to say ~ it's FALSE. i know without a doubt in my mind that i will wait for him:)

i will wait for him because he is everything i have ever wanted. he is everything i have ever needed and i cannot imagine life without him. maybe i'm a love struck teenager with huge plans that seem impossible. i don't know how to tell you what i feel, but i know that with the Lord's help, he will guide and help both of us become closer than ever before. 

this was the letter i gave to my missionary this morning, just a few hours before he left for the MTC:

Dear Elder Cook,

You don’t even know or realize how many lives you've changed, how many hearts you've touched, and how many people look up to your Christ-like example. Your spirit and personality is adored by every single person who knows you, and I am especially grateful that the Lord placed you into my life when He did. This year was truly the greatest of my life, and it was all because of you. Thank you for the memories I will hold in my heart forever… thank you for being my best friend and for loving me even with my countless imperfections. You will be dearly missed, but the places you go and those whom you serve will be extraordinarily blessed by your presence and incredibly strong testimony. I know that the Lord will be by your side constantly because you are a valiant servant. He will send the angels to guide and protect you if you continue to give this mission all of your heart, might, mind and strength.
I love you and I will miss you. But most importantly… I will see you soon♥

Here's to a New Beginning...

my name is Myranda Thurman. i am currently 17 years old and i will be 18 in May. i have a crazy passion for photography, so i made this blog to share my own images, but also to turn it into an "online journal," if you will. the images posted will hopefully inspire and spark memories of your own (in ways which i see through my lens), and the random life stories in-between will be written from the heart ;) i hope you enjoy what i have to share.

within the next few months, i will embark on a whole new journey! Senior Year is coming to an end and after that it's change, change, change! it's time to grow some wings cause i know momma is bound to push me out of the nest anytime. honestly though, i don't know how to feel about it. growing up? i remember being little and saying i wanted to grow up, but now that it's here.... i want a refund! i want to run bare foot in the sprinklers again and sell lemonade until i make my fortune; $5.00. i want to sleep outside under the stars with my best friends just to wake up smelling bacon cooking inside. i want to close my eyes and dream the dreams of castles and fairy's and princesses until i actually believe i'm there. i miss being a kid, ya know? i miss feeling safe; like there was nothing in the world that could ever tear me down. now, thanks to society and lack of human empathy, a young woman such as myself- or young man - is expected to be something they're not. needless to say, it's all kind of overwhelming and hard to deal with, but i have to believe that everything will be okay somehow. 

as for the first post of this newly established photography/journal blog, i won't bore you too much with highlights about me or anything like that right now. i'm going to assume that you will make your own judgments and figure my personality through the way i express myself on here. i just hope to keep you entertained and that you enjoy the blog as much as i know i'm going too! 

♥M.N.T

ps- these are me! straight hair-fyi takes about an hour to achieve. the natural curl, about 5 minutes ;) also, one more thing. a personal habit nonetheless, i don't capitalize my "i's," or really anything for that matter. have you noticed? hope it doesn't bother you! ;)